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▲+3075▼
I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!
5780 votes · ·
▲+2712▼
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
5250 votes · ·
▲+2469▼
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
The guardians of the galaxy!
5919 votes · ·
▲+2445▼
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
It's something I could really see myself doing!
4460 votes · ·
▲+2312▼
Why are there fences around a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get in!
4872 votes · ·
▲+2158▼
Two satellites decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
3896 votes · ·
▲+2112▼
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time!
4462 votes · ·
▲+1927▼
What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?
White vans.
4333 votes · ·
▲+1874▼
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?
He won the "no-bell" prize!
4088 votes · ·
▲+1811▼
What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snow balls!
4043 votes · ·
▲+1790▼
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
3738 votes · ·
▲+1746▼
Knock knock.
Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
3410 votes · ·
▲+1737▼
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.
3563 votes · ·
▲+1670▼
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"
3816 votes · ·
▲+1618▼
My grandad has the heart of a lion…
…and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
2714 votes · ·

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