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What kind of frog is part Polish?
A tadpole!
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A woman walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "what'll it be?" to which she replies, "I'll have a double entendre."
So he gave it to her.
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What do you call a magician who's lost his magic?
Ian!
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How did the magician get chocolate on his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve!
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
He sold his soul to Santa!
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, it's not coming.
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Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?
He lies awake at night and wonders if there really is a dog.
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What do you call a dog on a submarine?
A subwoofer!
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A three legged dog walks into a bar and says,
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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What do you call a pig who's lost his voice?
Disgruntled!
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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a job.
The bartender says "A talking dog! You should be in the circus!" The dog says "Why would a circus need a bartender?"
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What do you call a dancing chicken?
Poultry in motion!
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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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Person 1: “My dog has no nose!” Person 2: “How does he smell?”
Person 1: “Terrible!”
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I was walking my dog through a graveyard this morning and waved at the groundskeeper. "Morning!" he called.
"No mate", I replied. "Just walking the dog."
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