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▲+179▼
I might have an open casket funeral…
Remains to be seen.
1589 votes · ·
▲+711▼
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
1985 votes · ·
▲-662▼
Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?
Find out, after the break!
1686 votes · ·
▲+934▼
I'm really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls.
They're so full of themselves!
2124 votes · ·
▲+914▼
Helen Keller walks into a bar...
then a chair, then the wall.
2850 votes · ·
▲+509▼
A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum.
The doc takes one look and he says: "Jeeze, it looks like we have one hell of a problem here." The guy responds: "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
1883 votes · ·
▲+346▼
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is!"
1874 votes · ·
▲+1618▼
My grandad has the heart of a lion…
…and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
2714 votes · ·
▲+919▼
The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
2291 votes · ·
▲+143▼
A man went to the zoo.
All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.
3085 votes · ·
▲+461▼
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
1669 votes · ·
▲-402▼
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ...... Martini?"
The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?"
1922 votes · ·
▲-2077▼
A cannibal went for a walk and he passed his brother...
3607 votes · ·
▲+191▼
My friends tell me I'm too condescending.
That means I talk down to people.
1710 votes · ·

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