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▲+329▼
Always trust people who like big butts.
They cannot lie.
1659 votes · ·
▲+746▼
A man goes into the hospital with 6 plastic horses up his bum.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
1826 votes · ·
▲-174▼
I witnessed an attempted murder earlier…
Luckily only one crow showed up!
1946 votes · ·
▲+885▼
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they're never gonna meet.
2061 votes · ·
▲+2442▼
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
It's something I could really see myself doing!
4453 votes · ·
▲+2705▼
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
5241 votes · ·
▲+3071▼
I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!
5774 votes · ·
▲+1296▼
I sold my vacuum the other day…
all it was doing was collecting dust!
3000 votes · ·
▲+505▼
A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.
The man says, "A beer please, and one for the road!"
2633 votes · ·
▲+2155▼
Two satellites decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
3891 votes · ·
▲+419▼
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
2301 votes · ·
▲+492▼
I miss my umbilical cord.
I grew attached to it.
1812 votes · ·
▲+672▼
Jokes about menstruation just aren't funny.
Period.
2524 votes · ·
▲-973▼
I slept with a woman who cooked a ton of pasta last night.
She gave me carbs!
2003 votes · ·
▲+178▼
I might have an open casket funeral…
Remains to be seen.
1588 votes · ·

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