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▲+25▼
Everyone asks where's Waldo…
Nobody ever asks *how's* Waldo.
1341 votes · ·
▲+329▼
Always trust people who like big butts.
They cannot lie.
1661 votes · ·
▲+744▼
A man goes into the hospital with 6 plastic horses up his bum.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
1828 votes · ·
▲-174▼
I witnessed an attempted murder earlier…
Luckily only one crow showed up!
1946 votes · ·
▲+888▼
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they're never gonna meet.
2064 votes · ·
▲+2447▼
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
It's something I could really see myself doing!
4466 votes · ·
▲+2714▼
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
5256 votes · ·
▲+3081▼
I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!
5786 votes · ·
▲+1300▼
I sold my vacuum the other day…
all it was doing was collecting dust!
3006 votes · ·
▲+512▼
A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.
The man says, "A beer please, and one for the road!"
2640 votes · ·
▲+2158▼
Two satellites decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
3898 votes · ·
▲+421▼
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
2305 votes · ·
▲+496▼
I miss my umbilical cord.
I grew attached to it.
1816 votes · ·
▲+671▼
Jokes about menstruation just aren't funny.
Period.
2529 votes · ·
▲-976▼
I slept with a woman who cooked a ton of pasta last night.
She gave me carbs!
2010 votes · ·

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