47 Actually Funny Jokes About Doctors, Lawyers & Everyone In Between | Good Bad Jokes

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What do you call a cop in bed?
A pig in a blanket!
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Why was the constipated accountant fired?
He couldn't budget.
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Doctor: “Sir, your test results show that your DNA is backwards.”
Patient: “AND?!”
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What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller!
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What do you call a cop when he goes to bed?
Undercover!
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What time do you go to the dentists?
Whatever time they book you in.
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A woman walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "what'll it be?" to which she replies, "I'll have a double entendre."
So he gave it to her.
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How did the magician get chocolate on his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve!
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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a job.
The bartender says "A talking dog! You should be in the circus!" The dog says "Why would a circus need a bartender?"
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I bought a dog from a locksmith.
As soon as we got home it made a bolt for the door!
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Why don't mathematicians fear Friday the 13th?
Because they know it's just another irrational fear!
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What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?
A stethoscope!
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Why are pediatricians always angry?
They have little patients!
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Doctor, Doctor, I'm shrinking!
I'm sorry sir, you'll have to be a little patient.
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What do an anesthesiologist and an Italian mother have in common?
The first question out of their mouth is always "How long has it been since you ate?"
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