Top Rated Professions Jokes | Good Bad Jokes

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!
5776 votes · ·
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A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
5245 votes · ·
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
It's something I could really see myself doing!
4456 votes · ·
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Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
3738 votes · ·
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A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him: "You need to stop masturbating."
"Why?" the man asks. The doctor replies: "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
2553 votes · ·
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Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
Because he was too far out!
3336 votes · ·
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What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
José and Hose B.
2256 votes · ·
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What are a ninja's favourite type of shoes?
Sneakers!
2283 votes · ·
▲+605▼
What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?
An investigator.
2725 votes · ·
▲+550▼
What did the overly excited gardner do when spring finally arrived?
He wet his plants!
1894 votes · ·
▲+516▼
I broke my arm in two places, you know what the doctor said?
Stay out of those places!
2598 votes · ·
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Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He PASTA away!
1897 votes · ·
▲+472▼
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest!
2124 votes · ·
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What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A Private Tutor!
1928 votes · ·
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What's so special about bullets?
They're the only things that do their job after they're fired!
692 votes · ·

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