20 Actually Funny Doctor Jokes | Good Bad Jokes

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A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him: "You need to stop masturbating."
"Why?" the man asks. The doctor replies: "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
2574 votes · ·
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A man goes into the hospital with 6 plastic horses up his bum.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
1828 votes · ·
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How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
2427 votes · ·
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I broke my arm in two places, you know what the doctor said?
Stay out of those places!
2600 votes · ·
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A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum.
The doc takes one look and he says: "Jeeze, it looks like we have one hell of a problem here." The guy responds: "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
1884 votes · ·
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Doctor: “Sir, your test results show that your DNA is backwards.”
Patient: “AND?!”
6 votes · ·
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A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo".
7 votes · ·
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What’s the award for being the best dentist?
A little plaque!
6 votes · ·
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What's the difference between the oral and the rectal thermometers?
The taste!
3 votes · ·
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Did you hear about the man who accidentally drank some invisible ink?
He's in the hospital emergency room, waiting to be seen!
3 votes · ·
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Doctor, Doctor, I'm shrinking!
I'm sorry sir, you'll have to be a little patient.
3 votes · ·
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My doctor told me I have the peekaboo virus.
She sent me straight to the ICU!
4 votes · ·
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Why are pediatricians always angry?
They have little patients!
2 votes · ·
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Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom?
Because the 'P' is silent!
2 votes · ·
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What do an anesthesiologist and an Italian mother have in common?
The first question out of their mouth is always "How long has it been since you ate?"
1 vote · ·

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