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I like mountains…
But volcanoes are ash holes.
0 votes · ·
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All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.
At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
0 votes · ·
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My dog used to chase people on a bike.
It got so bad, I had to take his bike away!
2 votes · ·
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I used to hate facial hair…
but then it grew on me!
1 vote · ·
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I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks…
for keeping me off the streets!
1 vote · ·
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Our wedding was so beautiful…
even the cake was in tiers!
2 votes · ·
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If you die before someone else, does that mean you've beaten them to death?
1 vote · ·
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There are 3 types of people in this world…
Those that are good at Math and those that are not.
2 votes · ·
▲-152▼
I heard Mars has no atmosphere.
Could we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?
742 votes · ·
▲+151▼
My girlfriend says she needs time and distance.
Is she calculating velocity?
729 votes · ·
▲-127▼
My doctor said he's been practicing for 30 years.
When will he start doing his job for real?
731 votes · ·
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How has the price of opinions remained $0.02 over the years even after inflation?
678 votes · ·
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If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
1494 votes · ·
▲+426▼
Two windmills are on a date and one asks the other, "So what kind of music do you like?"
The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan!"
1170 votes · ·
▲+25▼
Everyone asks where's Waldo…
Nobody ever asks *how's* Waldo.
1337 votes · ·

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