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What do you call a pig who's lost his voice?
Disgruntled!
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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a job.
The bartender says "A talking dog! You should be in the circus!" The dog says "Why would a circus need a bartender?"
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What do you call a dancing chicken?
Poultry in motion!
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Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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Person 1: “My dog has no nose!” Person 2: “How does he smell?”
Person 1: “Terrible!”
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I can't take my dog to the park as all the ducks keep trying to bite him.
My fault for getting one that's pure bred...
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Why are dogs bad at dancing?
They have two left feet!
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I bought a dog from a locksmith.
As soon as we got home it made a bolt for the door!
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Why don't mathematicians fear Friday the 13th?
Because they know it's just another irrational fear!
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What's a good pasta to make on Friday the 13th?
Fettuccine Afraid-O!
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What's worse than Friday the 13th?
Monday the whatever.
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Why did the Easter egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken!
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Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
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Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
From Eggplants!
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My wife gave me an ultimatum: it's either her, or my addiction to sweets…
The decision was a piece of cake!
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