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What's more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling bee!
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My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.
I said, "No, but I've seen him play golf!"
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Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?
Because there might be an Italian dressing!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Murray.Murray who?
Murray Christmas!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Panther.Panther who?
Panther no panth, I'm going thwimming!
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Knock, knock.
Whose their?
It's your English teacher, we have a lot of work to do...
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So my wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turns out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
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What time do you go to the dentists?
Whatever time they book you in.
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What do you call flat Mountain Dew?
Plateau Dew!
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What kind of frog is part Polish?
A tadpole!
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What do you call a magician who's lost his magic?
Ian!
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How did the magician get chocolate on his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve!
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, it's not coming.
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Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?
He lies awake at night and wonders if there really is a dog.
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What do you call a dog on a submarine?
A subwoofer!
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