314 of The Best Puns — Groan-Worthy and Proud | Good Bad Jokes

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What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
Sparky!
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Doctor, Doctor, I'm shrinking!
I'm sorry sir, you'll have to be a little patient.
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Why are pediatricians always angry?
They have little patients!
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My wife gave me an ultimatum: it's either her, or my addiction to sweets…
The decision was a piece of cake!
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Why don't mathematicians fear Friday the 13th?
Because they know it's just another irrational fear!
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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role!
1 vote · ·
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I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks…
for keeping me off the streets!
1 vote · ·
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What do you do when your shoes get holes in them?
Reboot!
1 vote · ·
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I'm not saying that cosmetic surgery cured my depression…
But it definitely put a smile on my face.
1 vote · ·
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Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
1 vote · ·
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What's the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth Hurty!
2638 votes · ·
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What did the wall say to the ceiling?
I'll meet you at the corner.
2099 votes · ·
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What did one bean say to the other bean?
How you bean?
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Why did Captain Kirk's wife have a turd on her head?
Because William Shatner!
1993 votes · ·
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I witnessed an attempted murder earlier…
Luckily only one crow showed up!
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