318 Dad Jokes that will leave you grounded.

• ▲+1191▼

  And Jesus said, "Come forth and receive everlasting life!"

  But John came fifth, and only received a toaster oven.

  2357 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+190▼

  What kind of pictures do turtles take?

  Shellfies!

  1754 votes · Copy ·

• ▲-338▼

  Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

  To get to the bottom!

  2678 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+885▼

  Parallel lines have so much in common.

  It's a shame they're never gonna meet.

  2061 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+212▼

  What do you call Batman when he skips church?

  Christian Bale!

  1960 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+409▼

  Who's the king of the classroom?

  The Ruler!

  2009 votes · Copy ·

• ▲-216▼

  Where does Frosty keep his cash?

  In the snow banks!

  1878 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+157▼

  What kind of dinosaur has the biggest vocabulary?

  A Thesaurus!

  2013 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+197▼

  What do you call a cow with no arms and no legs?

  Ground beef!

  3253 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+755▼

  What happens when you witness a ship wreck?

  You let it sink in.

  2269 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+695▼

  What did Barack say to Michelle when he got down on one knee?

  I don't wanna be Obama-self!

  2149 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+158▼

  What do you call a guy with no shins?

  Toe-knee!

  1890 votes · Copy ·

• ▲-79▼

  What is the number one cause of divorce?

  Marriage!

  4425 votes · Copy ·

• ▲+725▼

  What do sprinters eat before a race?

  Nothing, they fast.

  4505 votes · Copy ·

• ▲-744▼

  What do you call a masturbating cow?

  Beef stroking off!

  5090 votes · Copy ·