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A three legged dog walks into a bar and says,
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
0 votes · ·
▲+628▼
What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
3062 votes · ·
▲-248▼
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
3504 votes · ·
▲+578▼
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.
1964 votes · ·
▲+383▼
Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One turned to the other and said "Hey, it's pretty hot in here, isn't it?" The other turned and shouted "Oh my god a talking muffin!"
2536 votes · ·
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Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was intense!
2157 votes · ·
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Needle.Needle who?
Needle little help getting in the door!
0 votes · ·
▲+1▼
Knock knock.
Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? ಠ_ಠ 💩
1 vote · ·
▲+734▼
What did sushi A say to sushi B?
Wasa-b!
2730 votes · ·
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Why was the broom late for the meeting?
It overswept!
0 votes · ·
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Where do cows go for a first date?
To the moooovies!
2340 votes · ·
▲+426▼
Two windmills are on a date and one asks the other, "So what kind of music do you like?"
The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan!"
1170 votes · ·
▲+460▼
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
1668 votes · ·
▲+1241▼
Why do ghosts love elevators?
Because they lift their spirits!
3261 votes · ·
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What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts
2420 votes · ·

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