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I was walking my dog through a graveyard this morning and waved at the groundskeeper. "Morning!" he called.
"No mate", I replied. "Just walking the dog."
1 vote · ·
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Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow says "MOOOOO!" The other cow says pretty much the same thing.
2539 votes · ·
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What do you call a fish wearing a tie?
Sofishticated!
1 vote · ·
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Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
1 vote · ·
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What did the teacher do with the student's cheese report?
She "grated" it!
2143 votes · ·
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What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNGGGgggg
1775 votes · ·
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A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ...... Martini?"
The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?"
1922 votes · ·
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What do you call a dog on a submarine?
A subwoofer!
1 vote · ·
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"Comfortable?" asked the waiter.
"No sir, I come for food."
1 vote · ·
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Day-jav.Day-jav who? (Déjà vu)
Knock knock...
1 vote · ·
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A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum.
The doc takes one look and he says: "Jeeze, it looks like we have one hell of a problem here." The guy responds: "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
1883 votes · ·
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When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
5 votes · ·
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What do you give a sick bird?
Tweetment.
1967 votes · ·
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All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.
At first it's boring, then it's riveting.
1 vote · ·
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What do you call a dancing chicken?
Poultry in motion!
4 votes · ·

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