76 Animal Jokes That Are Paws-itively Funny

• ▲-190▼

  A horse walks into a bar.

  Several patrons got up and left as they recognized the potential danger in the situation.

  2478 votes · Copy

• ▲+606▼

  What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?

  An investigator.

  2724 votes · Copy

• ▲+1614▼

  My grandad has the heart of a lion…

  …and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

  2704 votes · Copy

• ▲-402▼

  A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ...... Martini?"

  The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?"

  1920 votes · Copy

• ▲-502▼

  Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

  Because gorillas have big fingers.

  2158 votes · Copy

• ▲-481▼

  Why do penguins walk softly?

  Because they can't walk hardly.

  1803 votes · Copy

• ▲+568▼

  A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch.

  He picks it up and throws it across the street. A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch. The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was *that* all about!?"

  2102 votes · Copy

• ▲-396▼

  What did the ghost say to the bee?

  Boo bee!

  2044 votes · Copy

• ▲+460▼

  Why don't blind people go skydiving?

  Because it scares their dogs too much.

  2520 votes · Copy

• ▲-446▼

  What is invisible and smells like carrots?

  Rabbit farts

  2420 votes · Copy

• ▲+143▼

  A man went to the zoo.

  All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

  3083 votes · Copy

• ▲-2489▼

  So a seal walks into a club...

  5189 votes · Copy

• ▲+748▼

  What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

  An irrelephant.

  1908 votes · Copy

• ▲+479▼

  What do you call a blind dinosaur?

  Doyouthinkhesaurus

  2109 votes · Copy

• ▲+588▼

  What did the perverted frog say?

  "Rubbit"

  2054 votes · Copy