74 One-Liner Jokes | Good Bad Jokes

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I miss my umbilical cord.
I grew attached to it.
1813 votes · ·
▲+460▼
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
1668 votes · ·
▲+427▼
Two windmills are on a date and one asks the other, "So what kind of music do you like?"
The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan!"
1171 votes · ·
▲+418▼
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
2302 votes · ·
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is!"
1873 votes · ·
▲+330▼
Always trust people who like big butts.
They cannot lie.
1660 votes · ·
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My friends tell me I'm too condescending.
That means I talk down to people.
1710 votes · ·
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I might have an open casket funeral…
Remains to be seen.
1588 votes · ·
▲+151▼
My girlfriend says she needs time and distance.
Is she calculating velocity?
729 votes · ·
▲+144▼
A man went to the zoo.
All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.
3084 votes · ·
▲+25▼
Everyone asks where's Waldo…
Nobody ever asks *how's* Waldo.
1337 votes · ·
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I often tell Dad jokes.
Sometimes, he even laughs!
6 votes · ·
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My dog used to chase people on a bike.
It got so bad, I had to take his bike away!
3 votes · ·
▲+3▼
If you die before someone else, does that mean you've beaten them to death?
3 votes · ·
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If a child refuses to sleep during nap time…
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
3 votes · ·

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