74 One-Liner Jokes | Good Bad Jokes

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I miss my umbilical cord.
I grew attached to it.
1816 votes · ·
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A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
1669 votes · ·
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Two windmills are on a date and one asks the other, "So what kind of music do you like?"
The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan!"
1174 votes · ·
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A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
2305 votes · ·
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is!"
1874 votes · ·
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Always trust people who like big butts.
They cannot lie.
1661 votes · ·
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My friends tell me I'm too condescending.
That means I talk down to people.
1711 votes · ·
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I might have an open casket funeral…
Remains to be seen.
1589 votes · ·
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My girlfriend says she needs time and distance.
Is she calculating velocity?
730 votes · ·
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A man went to the zoo.
All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.
3087 votes · ·
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Everyone asks where's Waldo…
Nobody ever asks *how's* Waldo.
1341 votes · ·
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If a child refuses to sleep during nap time…
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
6 votes · ·
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My dog used to chase people on a bike.
It got so bad, I had to take his bike away!
5 votes · ·
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I swallowed a bunch of synonyms today.
I got thesaurus throat I've ever had!
6 votes · ·
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Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of dad jokes...
But they are a solid number two!
6 votes · ·

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