318 Dad Jokes that will leave you grounded.

• ▲+773▼

  Two bananas are lying on a riverbank when a turd goes floating by.

  The turd yells to the bananas, "hey guys, come on in, the water feels great!" One banana looks at the other banana and says, "do you believe that shit?"

  2197 votes · Copy

• ▲+606▼

  What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?

  An investigator.

  2724 votes · Copy

• ▲+508▼

  A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum.

  The doc takes one look and he says: "Jeeze, it looks like we have one hell of a problem here." The guy responds: "this is just the tip of the iceberg."

  1882 votes · Copy

• ▲+346▼

  I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

  Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is!"

  1872 votes · Copy

• ▲-235▼

  What do you call an empty jar of cheese whiz?

  Cheese Was!

  1739 votes · Copy

• ▲-772▼

  What's E.T. short for?

  Because he's only got little legs!

  2674 votes · Copy

• ▲-474▼

  What did Dr. Dre say when 50 cent gave him a sweater?

  "Gee, you knit?"

  1718 votes · Copy

• ▲+805▼

  How does Moses make his tea?

  Hebrews it!

  2707 votes · Copy

• ▲+517▼

  What do you call a fake noodle?

  An impasta!

  3167 votes · Copy

• ▲+753▼

  What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?

  Juan on Juan.

  1969 votes · Copy

• ▲+919▼

  The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.

  It was tense!

  2287 votes · Copy

• ▲+424▼

  Why did the cyclops close his school?

  Because he only had one pupil!

  1831 votes · Copy

• ▲+191▼

  My friends tell me I'm too condescending.

  That means I talk down to people.

  1710 votes · Copy

• ▲+143▼

  A man went to the zoo.

  All they had to exhibit was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

  3083 votes · Copy

• ▲-402▼

  A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ...... Martini?"

  The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?"

  1920 votes · Copy