79 Actually Funny Food & Drink Jokes to Chew On or Chug Down | Good Bad Jokes

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe dammit, BREATHE!
2512 votes · ·
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How do you feel when there is no coffee?
Depresso.
2442 votes · ·
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What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
2009 votes · ·
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What didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe!
2225 votes · ·
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I slept with a woman who cooked a ton of pasta last night.
She gave me carbs!
2003 votes · ·
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Two bananas are lying on a riverbank when a turd goes floating by.
The turd yells to the bananas, "hey guys, come on in, the water feels great!" One banana looks at the other banana and says, "do you believe that shit?"
2197 votes · ·
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What do you call an empty jar of cheese whiz?
Cheese Was!
1739 votes · ·
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How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it!
2708 votes · ·
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
3167 votes · ·
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The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
2288 votes · ·
▲-891▼
A man walks into a bar.
He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
3757 votes · ·
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Why did the cookie cry?
Because his mother was a wafer so long!
1758 votes · ·
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A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
1668 votes · ·
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What smells worse than anchovies?
Anchovy bums!
1878 votes · ·
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What does a vegan zombie eat?
Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!!
1770 votes · ·

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