418 Most Voted On Jokes | Good Bad Jokes

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My wife gave me an ultimatum: it's either her, or my addiction to sweets…
The decision was a piece of cake!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Cash.Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer peanuts.
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Do your socks have holes in them?
No. Then how'd you get your feet in them?
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Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom?
Because the 'P' is silent!
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What do you call a large animal from Africa that lets its hair grow?
A hippy-potamus!
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What do you call a dog with no back legs and balls of steel?
Sparky!
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What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?
A stethoscope!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Moustache.Moustache who?
I moustache you something, but I'll shave it for later.
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Why can't you tell a kleptomaniac a joke?
Because they take everything, literally.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit the idiot. ..... Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken!
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Knock knock.
Who's there?Needle.Needle who?
Needle little help getting in the door!
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Why shouldn't you wear glasses when you play football?
Because it's a contact sport!
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What do you call a skunk with a laser blaster?
Pepe le pew pew pew! (Sorry this joke stinks.)
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Did you know that antelopes can jump higher than a house?
This is due to their incredibly powerful legs, and the fact that houses can't jump.
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Did you hear about the man who accidentally drank some invisible ink?
He's in the hospital emergency room, waiting to be seen!
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